Elijah Wood. He was not only one of the two boys playing “tomorrow’s” acarde game in “Back To The Future II” but also Wilfred the dogs best friend. Oh yeah, and then there were some movies about big smelly feet and a dragon with a bracelet or something – but let’s focus on his important roles. Elijah usually plays the friendly, helpful neighbour with an open ear and open heart.

Also Cooties (2015) is no exception. Babyface Wood plays a failed writer who moves back to his parent’s house and starts working as a schoolteacher in his former hometown. He ensures people around him that he only teaches to have time to write again – but everything he brings to paper is basically crap. The whole story plays on Elijah’s first day in school (while I can’t remember his name in the movie I don’t really care. Nothing beats the sound of “Elijah”) which ends up in a mess. A kid gets infected by some nasty chicken pock that turns her – and eventually her classmates – into zombies. Until the teachers learn what’s up with the kids going crazy today it’s already too late – Zombie toddlers and Ghoul-kids have already started massacring each other.

My Two Cents

While the plot sounded promising (what could be more fun than slaying Zombie-kids?) the movie really turned out quite flat. There is a boring lovestory between Elijah and blondie teacher and really straight-forward jokes that might only be funny if you’ve never seen a horror-spoof in your life. Rainn Dietrich Wilson (who had his best role as Fishboy in Rob Zombies House of 1000 corpses or was there something with an office?) is the dump aggressive coach – and boyfriend of blondie teacher – who really only makes you roll your eyes. All in all, it turns out that slashing cute little kids is not as funny as it might sound. While the title, the cast, the movie poster and even the trailer might seem exciting – I’m afraid the movie is disappointing so much more.

Highlights: Chicken Nuggets are the source of evil (as if we were still wondering about this fact), Elijah “Getting baked with a dog” Wood,

3 out of 10 stab wounds

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